A trauma-informed, cognitive behavioral approach to improving all P.I.E.C.E.S of your rich and meaningful life.
What can we do for you?
Recovery PERFECTS does not tell you what to think, or even what is right or wrong. Only you can decide that.
Many people who are struggling are doing so because they have experienced trauma, feel unsafe or simply don't have the knowledge and skills they need to deal with life on life's terms.
In some recovery circles, people are encouraged to follow good orderly direction. The same is true here, but we help you define what your rich and meaningful life looks like and figure out the steps you need to take to get there (good orderly direction).
We encourage fellowship and supporting each other as a way to enhance your resources, skills and sense of safety.
We encourage you to explore how a healthy, supportive community (a power outside of yourself) can help you more easily improve all P.I.E.C.E.S. of your life. (Physical, Interpersonal, Emotional, Cognitive, Environmental, Spiritual)
What do we believe?
There are 8 basic principles that can help anyone live a happier, healthier life: Prudence, Endurance, Respect, Forgiveness, Earnestness, Compassion, Truthfulness, Selflessness.
- Prudence: Having (or getting) the knowledge you need about the whole situation (not just your perspective or short-term benefits) and applying that knowledge in a way that helps you feel safe and empowered and develops a supportive, respectful community.
- Endurance: Having the courage to tolerate temporary distress in order to achieve longer-term benefits.
- Respect for self and others: Setting, maintaining and respecting others in a way that helps everyone feel safe and empowered.
- Forgiveness of self and other: Recognizing what happened in the past cannot be changed. Choosing to use your energy to learn how to protect yourself from making the same mistake or being a victim in the future and do it!
- Earnestness: Doing what you say to the best of your ability. (Pretty simple)
- Compassion with self and others: Recognizing that everyone deserves love. Most people do the best they can with the tools they have. Having a desire to ease the suffering of yourself and others — while still prudently and earnestly respecting boundaries.
- Truthfulness with self and others: Becoming more mindful of your thoughts, wants, needs and motivations and honestly and assertively communicating those needs to both yourself and others.
- Selflessness: Seeing the bigger picture and how everyone contributes to your experience—for good and bad, and being willing to set aside your own desires and pride when it is prudent. “It is not always all about you.”
When we implement these principles, it PERFECTS all P.I.E.C.E.S. of our lives.
- Physically you have less pain, sleep better and are healthier
- Interpersonally you learn how to develop safe, supportive and empowering relationships with others as well as ourselves.
- Emotionally you start to be able to manage your emotions, let go of fear and resentments and experience that elusive thing called happiness.
- Cognitively you will develop skills to see things based on facts in context, understand how those things trigger your reactions based on your past experiences and begin finding new ways to solve problems. Brain fog starts to life and it becomes easier to concentrate on what is important when you do not feel angry or afraid all of the time.
- Environmentally you become aware of your triggers for helpful and unhelpful behaviors and feelings feelings
- Spiritually you will start to reconnect with your values and see how you impact those around you and how they impact you.
Meeting times will be announced soon.
Example of how a person or group would help someone apply the PERFECTS principles to a problem.
Member: Hello everyone. I am really struggling with dealing with a very toxic person at work.
Supporters or the facilitator can ask questions to help understand the situation. Make sure to only ask one question at a time. Let the member respond. Validate and clarify what you are hearing before asking the next question. Remember their perception is valid based on their past experiences, even if you disagree.
The goal of the PERFECTS framework is to help people logically process the facts in context and choose the most appropriate course of action to help them move toward their rich and meaningful life.
Prudence: Understand the big picture. The facts in context as well as how your past and other people’s past is impacting interpretations of the situation.
- When did this start? What was different before it started? Does it happen all the time or just in certain circumstances? What are some examples of the behavior? Is it possible this person could be reacting from a place of distress or trauma? Is it possible that this person is triggering your past traumas? Is it possible they do not realize how they are impacting you? What have you done so far to deal with it?
Endurance: Courage to tolerate distress
- It is really hard to deal with situations like that and it will take a lot of courage to address it. What do you most dread about addressing the issue?
- What tools or supports do you have that can help you tolerate the distress?
Respect for self and other
- In what ways is their behavior disrespectful of you?
- In what ways is failing to address this disrespectful to yourself?
- How does this ongoing tension impact all PIECES of your life?
Forgiveness of self and other
- Are there any resentments or hard feelings between you that may be contributing to both of you feeling unsafe and contributing to these behaviors?
- If this person refuses to change their behavior, how can you have compassion for them while still respecting your own needs to feel safe and empowered?
- What have you been doing and will you do to earnestly try to work this out? (Remember that it takes 2 to tango. If they don’t want to address the issue you cannot force them. All you can do is your best)
Compassion for Self and other
- People’s behavior is communication and often tells a lot about how they feel on the inside. You cannot possibly know people’s total past or even everything that is going on in their present. If they are acting ugly, is it because they feel insecure, overwhelmed, angry, anxious? How dark is the place where these behaviors are coming from? How can you set boundaries out of respect for yourself, and still have compassion for them?
- How can you listen and try to understand what they are feeling and needing without being defensive?
- Get honest with yourself about what specifically it is they are doing that makes you feel uncomfortable, why it makes you feel uncomfortable, what you would like them to do differently.
- How can you honestly and compassionately communicate with them
- Are you being totally truthful with yourself about how your behaviors, nonverbals and microaggressions might be contributing to the situation?
- What is the most prudent next step based on what we have discussed?
Recovery PERFECTS all PIECES
- How does this situation impact your health, relationships, mood and ability to think clearly?
- How would addressing this issue improve your health, relationships, mood and ability to think clearly?